Blurts of Fury: The Angry Email

I have long been a fan of Philip Galanes' weekly advice column, "Social Q's," published in the Sunday Styles sections of The New York Times. The column offers lighthearted advice about awkward social situations and Galanes' witty style is as entertaining as it is informative. 
 
He is always sharp, but never biting. He is always smart, without being sassy. And Galanes always offers wise advice with a catchy turn of phrase. Take, for example, this exchange where he helpfully spells out what passes for acceptable behavior in a world of texting,

At what age are people too old to use abbreviations like LOL in text messages and email correspondence?
Laura, New York

It its landmark decision, "Tiger Beat Magazine v. Betty White," the Supreme Court of Mutton Dressed as a Lamb ruled that we are never too old to use the argot of adolescent girls (ironically or otherwise). But the court also noted that such right does not prevent sensible folks from rolling their eyes at us after the ripe old age of 23.

In his weekly column, Galanes details how to handle relationships, moral dilemmas and everyday scenarios that are made all that more difficult by the peculiarities of the digital world. In an interview that aired on NPR, he tells Fresh Air's Terry Gross, "Before we started talking to people almost exclusively on email and Twitter and Facebook, we could hear a little hitch in someones voice and think, "oh, oh, there's a problem. I better circle back around that." So we don't do that anymore. Everything now is type and send, type and send."

And this type and send mentality can get us into trouble. One piece of advice Galanes repeatedly offers his readers is never email when you're angry. At the first sign of trouble, he warns that you should step away from your keyboard. Don't type and don't send a thing. Here is the advice right from the horse's mouth:

"I know what a rush it can be to channel our meanest impulses into digital message-bombs. There's something so alluring about that blank screen - just waiting to be filled with expletives and rage, horrible things we would never say to another person's face.  But Digital Warriors, tamp down your fighting impulse before launching that first grenade. And if your pal (or sibling or coworker) slips, and fires the first missile at you, be the bigger person and delete it. Then march to the phone and talk it out. You'd be amazed at how quickly we can solve most of our problems - as long as we adopt a respectful posture that signals our willingness to listen as well as speak."

At Ty Boyd, we couldn't agree more. Effective communication requires dialogue. And engaging in dialogue implies that you do something besides speak. It implies that you listen. Believe it or not, some of us are less effective at listening than we are at speaking. But we can learn. 

Give us a call at Ty Boyd Effective Communications & Coaching and we can help with both the speaking and the listening.