Communications Skills are the Key to Success in Life, Work and Relationships

Most families deal with a little stress from time to time, but during the holidays, the stress level can go through the roof. It doesn't help that we are constantly bombarded with that Norman Rockwell image of the "perfect" holiday which causes parents and children to develop unrealistic expectations.

A big part of the stress is a direct result of poor communication - which is as common as overeating during the holidays. Arguments ensue over shopping, decorating, attending parties and all the other minutia that holidays involve.

Take, for instance, the holiday photo card. I gave up sending the photo card long ago. While I always managed to get a great picture of my kids, it was not without a great deal of effort and a lot of stress. As soon as I mentioned the need to take a holiday photo, my son, who is normally a pretty easy going kid, would turn into a crazed lunatic who refused to cooperate, much less smile. My daughter copped an attitude of monument proportions. And my husband, who is a fantastic photographer, would forget to bring his flash to the shoot or would take 20 minutes of photos with the wrong lens.

The year that finally put me over the edge was when my son bit my daughter during the photo shoot and my husband captured it beautifully on film (yes, we were using film back then). My son looks rather smug while my daughter, holding her wounded arm, is crying her eyes out. Of course, as luck would have it, it was the only shot that my husband captured beautifully that year. I was tempted to use it for my card with the caption, "Peace on Earth, Goodwill Toward Men" but I didn't think sarcasm belonged in a holiday card.

Fighting and stress do not have to be part of your holiday tradition. Set a time to discuss family issues before the holidays are upon you. Being proactive and prepared can ensure that everyone enjoys the holidays. It takes time and effort to develop family communication skills, but a family that can communicate well can better handle stress, can resolve daily conflicts, and will raise children who are able to communicate well for the rest of their lives.

At Ty Boyd Executive Communications & Coaching, we believe that good communication skills are key to success in life, work and relationships.

Who is Your Trusted Adviser?

To build on your public speaking skills, we at Ty Boyd, Inc. are big believers in practice. If you practice, you will be ready, you will be effective and you will succeed as a communicator. Through practice, you will learn to make better use of your voice, to stand tall, to move effectively, and to connect with your audience. All of your speaking tools become more polished with practice.

Practice is important, but getting feedback also helps on the journey to becoming an effective communicator. Not just any old feedback; honest feedback. And that's not always an easy thing to get. Colleagues are often hesitant to offer reviews of their peers and even less willing to share their bona fide opinions with their managers.

Many of us have a trusted adviser - somebody who wants us to succeed, who believes in us, and who can tell us the truth while being supportive. If you do not have somebody - or a few somebodies - like that in your professional life, you need to cultivate those relationships. Before you can get honest feedback on your speaking skills, you need to have built a sense of trust and respect with an adviser who has your back, but will give it to you straight.

Once you have established a rapport, you create an opportunity to be coached. Don't confuse constructive criticism with coaching; despite the term, most constructive criticism isn't constructive or beneficial because it puts you on the defensive. The distinction is subtle, but important to the faculty at Ty Boyd, Inc. A Ty Boyd coach is someone who invests in your growth, believes you can do better, and works with you to do so. Our coaches are trusted advisers who help clients discover their own authentic style and voice. If you are interested in discussing how a communications coach would work for you, please let us know.

So, um....like...What is a Filler Word?

So, um, what exactly is a filler word? Well...uh...a filler word is, like, a part of speech that is usually not written (this article being the exception), but used as a place holder to give a speaker time to find the right word or to gather his thoughts. If I had a dime for every time I heard a speaker struggle with eliminating the "ums" and the "uhs" from his vocabulary, I'd be, like, a millionaire.

In our Excellence in Speaking course, we call filler words "non-words". They contribute nothing and weaken your overall effectiveness as a speaker. Non-words make you sound unprofessional and give the impression that you are not prepared and not confident. Therefore, breaking the habit of filling your silences with non-words is of the utmost importance.

Primer Magazine refers to filler words as "the heroin of the language world" and warns that withdrawals are not easy. But it can absolutely be done and we can help.

Getting past the usage of non-words enables you to become a noticeably more effective communicator. Here are a few guidelines:

• Don't be afraid to pause and take a break: You don't have to fill in the pauses with empty words. A pause causes your audience to lean in and listen. It introduces an element of anticipation and heightens expectations. Not only does it make your speech easier to listen to, it makes your communication come across as more compelling. And remember, a pause is never as long to the audience as it feels to you. Each time that you take a significant pause during a presentation, take a deep breath.

• Organize your thoughts: Think about what you want to say before you say it - and then say the words.

• Practice: When you know your speaking topic inside and out, you will be more confident and better prepared - which is the first defense against non-words. Practice in front of a friend or colleague and have them count the number of times you use a non-word. Or better yet, have them ring a bell every time you utter a filler.

• Keep it simple: Delivering large volumes of information can be overwhelming for the speaker as well as the audience. Pick a few points, emphasize them, and then wrap it up. Talking about  too many things makes your speech ripe for ah and um takeover.

Let the coaches at Ty Boyd, Inc. help you communicate your message more clearly, create a more commanding, confident image and help you avoid um, er and ah.